Hi, Robin!
What? Hey, don’t glare at me like that! I didn’t do anything. What? Okay, okay. I’m in prison. Still, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I did something bad. Yes, I know that goes back on my statement that I didn’t do anything. Well, technically, not doing anything is why I’m in prison in the first place. See? I told you I didn’t do anything. Ha! Speechless now, are you? I bet you were about to ask something stupid, like if I’d murdered anyone or something like that. No, fortunately. See, it happened like this: Some random dude came along and vandalized the shop. Yes, the smithy—yes, I know that’s bad. I know it doesn’t belong to me and I’m just borrowing it… Robin! Come on. You’re not my mother. Please don’t lecture me. Just let me talk.
Thank you.
So, as I was saying, some rude guy came and randomly vandalized the shop. What did he do? Oh, just light it on fire and…um… sort of scribbled graffiti all over it. You know, nothing big. Don’t look at me like that. Well, anyways, they vandalized—oh, where was I at that moment? How should I know where I was? … Good point. But still, you shouldn’t pressure me. I might get very nervous and not tell you anything. You know, you’re scary when you’re mad. No, not right now. Well… maybe just a little itty bit.
Back to my story. Oh, right. Well, I think it happened in the night because I passed by the smithy yesterday and it was perfectly fine. So sometime last night or this morning. What? It is morning? Early morning, then. Oh, they woke you up at four to talk to me? Well, no wonder you look so messed up. What? No, I didn’t just say anything. You’re hearing things, Robin.
So they vandalized the shop and then the old guy called me. What he was doing checking on his smithy at one o’clock in the morning I have no idea, but—oh, the old guy is the owner. No, I don’t have to be more respectful. See, you royal people, you’re like that. You—fine, fine. But we’re talking later. So, the owner called me and told me that I owed him a… pretty amount of money for letting something like that happen to his baby. He was quite angry about it, too. Personally, I think he was only grouchy because he’s old, he woke up at midnight because he has a strange affinity with a building, and his arthritis was kicking in. But hey, no one asked me. So I get my wallet. But that’s just it. I don’t.
I’m making perfect sense, Robin. It’s not my fault you’ve got problems comprehending simple English. Do you know what comprehending means? It means to--okay… sheesh. Be like that, then. Snobby prince. No, I am not getting off topic. It’s all your fault, Robin. You distracted me. Yes, I do want to have this argument now. Who cares? I’ve got plenty of time to spare. What was that? My dear Robin, do you really think I care that you have, and here I quote you: “Other, more important things to do” than talk to me? Than why don’t you do them, pray? Huh? Huh? Huh? Hu—Robin? Where are you going? Hey, come back! Robin! C’mon, we’re best friends? I’m sorry! Robin, I’m lonely! Robin!
But ya gotta have friends…. Deserter. Deserter! Robin…. Hey! It’s been a few hours. Are you still mad at me? Robin? Where are you…
Hey, Rat, do you know where… oh, you’re just going to run away from me, I see. Fine, be like that. Deserter…. Hey, who’s there? Robin? Oh, it’s Luna! Hi Luna! Is your brother still mad at me? What? He never was? He just abandoned me? Fine. Meanie.
So, Luna, did he tell you what happened? Oh, he said that someone vandalized the smithy and I couldn’t pay the owner so he sued me. Um… yeah, I guess. In a nutshell. What? He said it took me a long time to say? It so did not! Well, maybe it did, but that’s Robin’s fault! All his fault… What? No, I don’t talk a lot. I don’t know what you’re talking about, Luna. Ha ha. See what I did there? I said, talking, and you said, talking… never mind. Women. The day I understand you people is the day that cats give wine. What? Oh, I meant cows. I said cows! I did! Don’t “sure” me, Luna. You’re starting to act like your brother.
So, yes. Someone stole my wallet. The old guy—what is it with you people and respect?! Fine. the owner (who’s old and probably has arthritis pains) went to his shop in the middle of the night—don’t ask me why, he’s weird—and presto! It was vandalized. He then got very angry with me, marched into the palace and demanded to see me. They almost arrested him, but I came down in time to tell them that he was my… um… proprietor. Than he started screaming at me, and I let him upstairs so he could scream more quietly and not wake everyone up. So, he screamed at me upstairs. All I made out were a lot of swear words and some ridiculous price for the stupid smithy. I looked for my wallet. I couldn’t find it. He then sued me for said ridiculous price. Well, he marched downstairs and announced that I refused to pay for my destruction of his property. Will came, looking really nervous, and sort of tapped my on my arm to make me come here. I could tell he didn’t want to. I think I was pushing myself here more than Will was. But anyway, that’s the end of the story.
Actually, you know what? I was almost at the end when Robin deserted me… yes, I do want to have this argument now. Who cares? I’ve got—oh, hi Robin! Long time no see. No, I am not annoying Luna as you so elegantly put it, Mr. I’m-a-prince-so-I-get-to-boss-poor-Zelf-around. Zelf is very sad that you didn’t visit him for a few hours. Zelf thinks that you deserted him. No, I won’t stop referring to myself in the third person. Deal with it. What do you mean I just did stop? I so did not! I didn’t just do it again! Humph.
Oh, is that my wallet? Who had it?! What do you mean it was behind the bed? It was not! Give me that… hey… I’m missing some. Oh, you payed the crazy old dude. Yes Luna, listen to your brother. It’s helpless. I will endlessly disrespect that old sack of bones. I don’t like him very much. No, it’s not obvious at all, I’m sure.
So, I’m out of here now? Thanks! I love you guys… yes, now I say that. But don’t take that seriously, Robin. I’m mad at you now for deserting me and making me broke. It’s all your fault.
Actually, it’s all the old guy’s fault.